I can be seen scribbling in the back of my daybook on most days..and this is what I write! Quotes come from all over the place, mostly real life. They’re written as they were spoken…so there are some cuss/curse words! Either way, I think they’re awesome. Some are happy, some are sad, others just are.
Read em anyway 🙂
Meanwhile, my teacher wanted to suspend me, my classmates wanted to erase me, and my neighbor wanted to plant me in his garden
-How to Milk A Dinosaur by Ian Sands
Sure there are plenty of other fish in the sea, But you’re not anywhere near the sea. You’re in the desert. Alone.
It isn’t what it is…it’s never what it is, it’s what it’s made to look like.
-Edge of Darkness
I spent a few months working up the nerve to go, and then another few months talking myself out of going, and then an extended period of time berating myself for talking myself out of going
-Alice Bradley, “Meet the New Mighty Me”
The first purchase I made when I got a check for $100,000 was a Mercedes for $100,000. I didn’t have money left over for insurance and gas.
You may be a lover, but you ain’t no dancer
Danny: Uh, do you like Coca Cola?
Auggie: I like the idea of it more than I actually like it.
The main theory right now suggests that the baby cows are somehow developing immunity to their own bone marrow. That’s the kind of thing that just shouldn’t happen in a body, like if your skull decides it wants to be “immune” from your brain
-Cracked.com, “6 Terrifying Diseases that Science Can’t Explain”, on Germany’s mystery calf disease, which causes the calves to sweat blood and light touches to create huge wounds.
I wanna take a bat…and write karma on it…and just beat him with it!
I was like ‘that was not the spirit, you pushed me!’
-Brittany, about going to church and people laying hands
Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.
You betrayed all those beautiful things.
If you’re wearing a jean jacket with jeans, that’s double denim. If you’re wearing a jean shirt with jeans, that’s double denim. If you’re wearing a jean jacket over a jean shirt WITH jeans…go kill yourself.
-Jon Huck, Undateable
Guys who like guys, Europeans, and guys who’ve lost a bet. Those are the guys who wear Speedos.
There are few things that humans are more dedicated to than unhappiness
-Alain de Botton
If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, then baffle them with bullshit.
> My other ride is your MOTHER!
>I may be fat, but you’re ugly, and I can lose weight.
If you name your kid after an STD because it “sounds so pretty!”, you fail as a parent–”The Rs in gonorrhea just roll right off your tongue!”–go shoot yourself.
Likewise, if the big headline tomorrow is that Barack Obama single-handedly fought and slew Lucifer, Glenn Beck still has to do a show about how Obama is an Anti-Christian communist out to destroy America.
I didn’t believe in magic/until I watched you disappear.
-”Who Cares”, Gnarls Barkley
I love you in a place where there’s no space or time
-”A Song for You”, Ray Charles
How does it feel…to kneel at the feet of the choices you’ve made
-”Flat of the Blade”, Massive Attack
Fry: What’s wrong with him?
Meatwad: He’s dead…dumb ass ate a scorpion!
-Aqua Teen Hunger Force
Until the lions have a historian of their own, the tale of the hunt will be told by the hunted
You’ve chosen a magnificent prison, but it’s a prison nonetheless.
-Frollo, Hunchback of Notre Dame
Storm clouds may gather and stars may collide, but I love you, until the end of time
-”Come What May”, Moulin Rouge
Guy: I’m easy! Like Lionel Richie. Well, not like Lionel Richie. Like Sunday morning.
Girl: I hate when my boobs sweat…it smells like…
Girl 2: Like what?
Girl 1: Hot dogs.
Don’t give me the sordid details behind your smile
They think the devil exists, but they don’t think he’s gay. I mean he’s horny and flaming, isn’t that enough?!
-Mike, Last Comic Standing
Go home and tell yo momma two faggots whopped yo ass, bitch!
-Lafayette, True Blood
These girls were not born killers. They were born innocent little children. We create our monsters in this world.
-Jacqueline Vaught, mother of a girl named Shanda who was brutally murdered.
Miche`: I wash my dishes all the time.
Sierra: And the other half you leave them in the sink
Miche`: Ummm I wash my dishes all the time!
Me: All doesn’t leave half.
Sierra: Yes it does. Because I give 150%
(Magister walks in the door with a Tiffany’s box containing a par of sharp, circular earrings)
Unfortunately seeing you now, your ears are already pierced…would you object to my piercing your eyelids?
-Magister, to Pam, True Blood
Miche`: I’m gonna punch you if you keep throwing the dog at us.
Stop, you bastard…Jesus loves you!
-Nate’s Boss, to a customer who stole something and ran out of the store.
Can’t you use a seedy motel like a normal philanderer?
-Walter, What’s the Worst That Could Happen
Shay: Ma, you’re kinda like a person with short term memory. You’ll be talkin like “The grass is greener on the other side…and I love maccaroni…But yeah, the grass is green!”
Me: The grass is always greener wherever you’re not.
Ma: No! The grass is greenest where you water it!
Me: Why are we talking about grass?
Ma: Well, I was talking about the Hollywood sign.
Look at Adaria..she looked like a little Mexican boy
-Miche`, flipping through baby pictures
Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken
-Tyler Durden, Fight Club
Mace’ll make you be quiet.
The reason I voted for Barack Obama is because he said he was gonna help the middle class. And that’s my whole family except for one mothafucka!
> I believe that once you bake a cake…it’s a fuckin cake.
– Charlie Murphy, on doubting that rehab can change people
Nature is cruel, but we don’t have to be
You’re on an island…you can’t go to war from a fucking island!
-50 Cent, to Shyne
Me: There are a lot of bugs over there
Ma: A lot of spiders. 57,000 of them to almost be exact.
She coulda grown two heads and six feet, and I still woulda loved her.
-Ravenna Black’s husband, on her weight gain/loss
I’m not very good lookin, but i”m rich as shit!
Jesus: A visit from the Chef? Tonight’s my lucky night!
Lafayette: I just wanted to see the sick fuck who ordered the veggie burger…with bacon.
A bullet sounds the same in every language
It’s cool if you follow us on Twitter, but follow your dream
-BYOBent, end of Shawtbusshawty
Depression runs very vividly in our veins. You can either dance with that Bitch, or you leave her the fuck alone. And if you dance with her, she dances dirty…you gotta be like ‘nah, nah mamacita…don’t step on my toes. You gotta stay the fuck over there’
>Are you dancing with her this morning? If so, tell her I’m cutting the fuck in!
Up, up he sailed, unheeding
such silly limitations as
the melting point of wax
-”Flight 063″, Brian Aldiss (icarus)
Fin: It looks like he’s got two jiggly bellies stuck together
Jake:I’ve got that on my back. I call it my butt.
I know some of yall who have opened your arms–and legs!–to us!
-Paulie, KISS concert
The whiskey on your breath
Could make a small boy dizzy;
But I hung on like death
Such waltzing was not easy
-My Papa’s Waltz, Theodore Roethke
Love is a strong word, it can lift you up, or take you down
If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, then the whole world must behold you
The only limitations in life are the limitations you put on yourself
Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right
Silence might be golden, but laughter is priceless
If you fail, learn and move on, you’re growing
Life is tough–give yourself a break
Live from your heart, it will never steer you wrong
– Ladarius McNeill
Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone…and do not be troubled about the future for it has yet to come
Never let your fear determine your fate
Many of the truths we cling to depeld greatly on our own point of view
Don’t take my kindness for weakness because I can give you my ass to kiss…and I have a big ass
The average person takes 1.4 seconds to fall down
I can’t imagine how your embrace would be any warmer on a twenty inch waist…I’m flawless
Well I like to eat, sleep, drink, and be in love
– Langston Hughes
It looks like she can hula by the way she moves her hips
Damnit! I will not be ignored!! Get back in here and love me!!1
– Stewie, Family Guy
Hardwork beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard
You look like a church lady with whore-feet
-Miche or Sierra
They say without love there can be no betrayal
– Sierra Coulter
Yooooo are u cryin….naw my eyeballs are sweatin mane!
-Devante Sims, facebook
Reach to the sky filled with stars not to a cell caged with bars
You ever have one of those moments where you just stare at the ceiling like maybe there are answers up there somewhere?